I write a fortnightly column for the Great Eastern Mail. Missed an edition? Here I share past letters for you.
Dear Emma, my teenage son is struggling with low moods, low self-esteem, and school. I really want him to speak to someone but both he and his father are resistant to this every time I mention it He tells me he doesn’t want to talk to strangers and seeing a therapist would make him look weak to his mates. I don’t know what to do. I certainly don’t have the answers and I think he just needs to speak to someone. I’m so worried about what could happen, that something has got to change.
Thank you for writing in. I know it can be difficult and vulnerable to speak about your family's well-being and the challenging situation you're currently facing, so thank you for trusting me with it. I understand the concerns you have about your teenager's mental health and the resistance he's showing toward seeking counselling help due to the associated stigma. This is indeed a difficult and sensitive issue, and I hope I can offer some help to you.
It's not uncommon for teenagers to be resistant to the idea of counselling, and the stigma surrounding mental health can make it even more challenging. Please know that you are not alone in facing these difficulties, many parents do. We can’t just force our teenagers to do what we want, so respecting their autonomy is important as they navigate the transition to adulthood. Here are my top tips to navigating this situation in your family.
1. Open and Honest Communication: Sit down with your son in a relaxed and non-confrontational environment. Let him know that your primary concern is his well-being and happiness. Allow space and time to listen to his thoughts and feelings and validate his concerns. Sharing your own concerns can also make him feel more comfortable as he can begin to understand why this is important to you.
2. Education About Mental Health: It might be helpful to provide information about mental health, the importance of seeking help, and the fact that many people go through difficult times in their lives. Sharing stories of well-known people, such as celebrities or athletes he admires, who have sought help can help reduce the stigma.
3. Involve Your Teen in the Decision-Making Process: Let your son have a say in selecting a counsellor or therapist. When he feels more in control of the situation, he might be more open to the idea.
4. Confidentiality: Assure your son that counselling is a confidential space where he can freely express his thoughts and feelings without judgment. Emphasize that you won't be privy to the details of his sessions unless he chooses to share them with you.
5.Offer alternate solutions: Are there books, online courses, or movies that could help him think differently? Is there a family friend or mentor who could spend some time with him informally and could share their personal experience with him? Sometimes, hearing from someone else who has had positive experiences with counselling and overcoming adversity can be reassuring.
6. Quality time: Quality time with parents profoundly affects a teen's development. It fosters emotional bonding, communication skills, trust, and respect. Parents serve as role models, imparting values and life skills. This time aids emotional regulation and resilience, benefiting academic performance and social development. It instils morals and reduces risky behaviours while enhancing confidence and independence. Research shows that teenagers who spend quality time with their parents build healthier relationships, promoting better mental health. Remember, it's the quality, not the quantity, of time that matters most in shaping your son's life positively.
And finally, 7: Challenge Stereotypes. Break some of the mental health stigma your son is carrying by challenging stereotypes and negative beliefs he holds about mental health whenever you encounter them. Correct his misconceptions gently and with humour, and provide accurate information to him when you can. This may mean leading by example and promoting inclusivity in your home.
That said, I do want to emphasize that the decision to seek counselling ultimately lies with your son, and it's important to respect his autonomy and choices while continuing to provide a supportive and loving environment.
Lastly, if your son remains resistant, consider seeking counselling support for yourself. This could be beneficial in helping you navigate the relationship with your son and understanding your family in greater detail.
Hope that helps! Emma
